Life's a....

Party. 

Adventure. 

Nightmare. 

Exactly what you make it. 

Sometimes when I finally have a moment to look back at the last two months of my life the only words that come to mind are 

Holy. Crap. 

Let's look at a snapshot of my life in January: Part time school, stable job that I hated, in a relationship that was fun but not all that promising. Excited about school and life. Solid plans, nothing crazy happening at all. 

Snapshot from February: hating school. New job that was not delivering all that was promised and was shady at best. Unhappy in previously mentioned relationship. All plans and hopes set on running away from life and moving to California for an indefinite amount of time. Mild chaos, but manageable. 

Snapshot from the last two weeks: finals week, fired from previous job with zero warning and zero explanation, failed finance midterm, in a new relationship that is moving forward and progressing and all I ever wanted, California dream crushed, future life plans 100% up in the air. Complete madness. 

I'm sure by this point you are asking some small questions. Like how did I get fired? What am I doing now? Why did you want to run away in the first place? 

I still don't have answers for any of those questions. But despite the chaos and the uncertainty I am HAPPY. because happiness in no way depends upon your circumstances. 

Xo, 

Car

2015 year in review

2015 was a good one. Filled with a lot of learning, a lot of laughter and a few tears. I loved a lot, got my heart broken a few times, and made friends and memories I'll keep forever. Here's my year in review via pictures. 

In January I decided to pack up my life and move to Provo for the following school year. One of the scariest decisions I've made yet, but also one of the most rewarding. 

I caught my first fish! And probably my last. I rediscovered my inner granola and my love for nature and all of God's creations. 

I bought myself a trip to California to visit my best beezy and the happiest place on earth. One of my best presents to myself yet. 

I took too many selfies with my best-tiny-friend 

And witnessed the love of God in so many ways. 

I witnessed my sister become the happiest I've ever seen her, and learned so much about myself, love, and what it really means to have Christ-like love. This is one of the memories and experiences I am most grateful for. 

I spent a lot of days with my best friend and she rescued me from Provo when I first got here and had a mini quarter life crisis. 💛

I ran away from all responsibilities for a week. Right in the middle of the semester, to take these two to the place where I found my Savior. I hope they loved it as much as I did. 

Then I blinked and it was the holidays. And I was blessed to spend it with the best people. Maybe this year they were extra sweet because the semester that had just ended was so awful. Or maybe they were a little sweeter because I might finally be coming to understand the beauty of simplicity. Either way, I am grateful. 

So here's to a new year. With the same me. But isn't it funny how, whether or not we set resolutions, by the end of the year we are a new person. Maybe our skin is a little thicker, our hearts a little softer, or our minds a little more open. This year I'm still working on my resolutions, but I think this picture sums them up pretty well. 

Sending you all my best for 2016. 

Xo, 

Car 

Lessons Learned

A lot of people have asked me how Provo is lately. 

And I say “good!”

And then I think about how this semester of school kicked my trash and how dating is an actual joke and how I’ve applied for 10000 jobs in the past month and have had ZERO success.

 

Last week I even thought about moving back home. 

 

And a lot of people think that if I’m not happy here then I should move back home or to a new place, but I just feel drawn to Provo. And I don’t know why.

 

Because on the surface, not a single thing is working in my favor. Call me stubborn, call me stupid. I just refuse to give up. 

 

I’ve been here for FOUR months. FOUR.  Old Carlee would be packing up and making plans to move somewhere by now.(trust me, I’ve thought about it) But I’m staying here. I read a quote the other day, and I can’t tell you who it’s by and I’m probably going to slaughter it but it said something along the lines of this:

 

“Our darkest places are often the places we grow the most.” 

 

So yes. Provo has been hard. And I am feeling unsettled with my life and a lot of things in it. But I don’t think that means it’s time to jump ship and give up. I think that means that I’m LIVING and BREATHING and GROWING. And man, have I grown. 

 

“I have absolute certain knowledge, perfect knowledge that God loves us. He is good. He is our Father and He expects us to pray and trust and be believing and not give up and not panic and not retreat and not jump ship when something doesn’t seem to be going just right. We stay in, we keep working, we keep believing, keep trusting, following that same path, and we will live to fall in His arms and feel His embrace and hear Him say, ‘I told you it’d be OK, I told you it’d be all right.’” [Holland]

 

In lighter news… here’s a list of things I’ve learned:

-        How to take myself to the doctor. Don’t laugh. It was rough. There may or may not have been a mono scare.

-        Christmas ornaments don’t come with hooks. WHYYYY. Why is this a thing? Also that means my tree has a box of ornaments under it instead of on it. Whatever. (also, let’s just acknowledge how grown up it is to have a Christmas tree. Kay thanks.) 

-        How to order groceries online. I never thought I’d be THAT person, but I am. And I’m not ashamed.

-        How to be a real Utah County Mormon. AKA I went on a date to a ward activity with my home teacher AND made it on the ward facebook page. I guess you could say I’m prettttyyy much “in”.

-        How to survive at BYU. And how to keep the Honor Code. Mostly.

-        How to google ALL. THE. THINGS. Seriously. For instance, why the sweet potatoes I bought on TWO separate occasions were white and not orange.

-        How to use a crock pot and cook grown up meals. Mostly I have Carol to thank for that one, but still. 

-        How to spend my money on grown up things. IE the crock pot that was previously mentioned and a mixer. 

-        How to be HONEST and AUTHENTIC and not let fear run my life. I’m still working on this one. And if you have questions or are interested, let’s talk.

Okay. That's enough for one day. 

Xo, 

Car