Hello

This is very likely the last email I will send home. So many lasts! I feel like it's a lot of pressure, to be honest. What is the last thing I want my family and loved ones to hear from me as a set apart, full time representative of the Lord? First, let me tell you about my week :)

Thursday we visited sister James. She calls me Sister Tooney and I just don't have the heart to correct her. Then we had a really good lesson with Kyla :) we owed her froyo for sitting through stake conference AND the YSA thing, so Caeli came with us and we went out. We talked about the word of wisdom and Kyla pretty much told us "duh" :) which was great. Then they spent the rest of the time hassling me about dating which is seriously the worst. Kyla keeps telling me I have to find my "boo" and she told me that when I HAVE to be nice. Like she's my mother or something :)

Friday we had this awesome day planned. I was pumped to be teaching all day long. And then... Pretty much everything fell through. :) not only that... But the weirdest things fell in its place. We got a call during studies from a distraught LA because her cat had died. She had two cats die in FOUR days! Then we went to leadership meeting and the elders said she called them too... And asked them to come and bury her cat. As if that wasn't enough... Halfway through the meeting she texted them and asked them to clip some whiskers for her to keep! We were dying. After leadership meeting we all went to a cat funeral. It wasn't funny. But it was. We are pretty horrible.

Later, we were able to help Sister Vilela with some stuff around her house and then she introduced us to her friend! We have been getting so many referrals. It makes me wish I could have stayed in all of my areas for nine months :) we shared a good message about faith with both of them. Her friend expressed real desire to learn more about the scriptures, which was great. People are led to truth in so many ways.

Friday was also Alana's birthday, so after sister vilelas, we went to dinner. Caeli came with us & we went to sonic. Our investigator Tracy just started working there. We pulled into the parking lot and I made some comment about how I really hoped we'd see her. We ordered food and guess who our car hop was!! None other than Tracy. I basically died laughing. And she accused us of stalking her. Really, it was just a miracle. Also, she really needs some practice, if ya know what I mean ;) we shared a message and then Caeli and Alana started talking about this YSA activity at a members house. We told them that they each needed to leave with a boys number. Turns out there was only one boy there... And they both failed. :)

Saturday we did the usual. Service at the Phillips. :) before that, though, we had an AWESOME lesson with our online investigator. I've never felt the spirit of the hastening of the work so strongly! She asked about original sin and the Holy Ghost and so many good things. I'll let you read it when I get home ;) Saturday night<x-apple-data-detectors://0> started our string of closed doors... We stopped by about eight people and no one was home! The same thing happened on Sunday after church. It was basically the worst.

Sunday was a great day. We had meetings before church, and after, bishop pulled me into his office. He asked me why I was a little anxious about coming back to middletown (thanks, Carol) and then he told me thanks for asking him to give me a blessing. He said it felt like a dad doing it for his own daughter. I love bishop :) he told me that I was the best ;) of course... I already knew that.

It was fast and testimony meeting this Sunday. My very last. So many people that I love were there, too. I think I've only felt the spirit prompting me to share my testimony so strongly once before. I seriously couldn't hear anything and I thought my heart might explode. I had so many things I wanted to say and as I got up there I forgot all of them. :) it just felt good to be up there. Right after I finished, Sister Castro stood up and bore her testimony about how grateful she was for missionaries. I had held it together pretty well up until this point, but then I just lost it. She said she was so grateful that we were willing to leave our families and our lives, and how blessed her family is because of it. She has three daughters and this was the first time they had had sisters. Now all of their daughters are talking about where they want to serve!

After church we continued our streak of finding NO ONE at home. We went to dinner at the Santos house where we were entertained by brother Santos and his NYPD SVU stories. On our way home we stopped by Arecelis house. She was a potential investigator. She told us her whole life story basically and about how she is looking for a church. I just wanted to hug her and tell her she had found a new home for herself, but I think it's best that she finds that out on her own. Her living conditions are so very interesting. She rents a room in a house. The other rooms are occupied by middle age Mexican men who spend all weekend drinking. I've never smelled so much alcohol or seen so many drunk Spanish people wandering around. It was a real treat, I tell ya.

Monday was pretty average. More doors with NO ONE home. We did visit Abi though. Did I tell you she is one of my best friends? She is going to help me lace up my Jordan's before I leave ;) I made a list of things to do before I go home because I'm starting to feel a little overwhelmed. I felt better after the list :) we had dinner at the Lennons. I love them :)

Yesterday was seriously crazy. We needed to go on a split with the Poughkeepsie sisters and the Kingston sisters that we inherited last week. We talked with both of the companionships and neither seemed too excited about going on a split with us. We decided that we would just take a day and spend half of it in Kingston and then drive to Poughkeepsie for half the day rather than do two full splits. Go ahead and look on the map. 150 miles and 3 hours of traveling. :/ it was good to spend time with them, though. When we got back to middletown we stopped by Kyla's. She is AMAZING. We were talking about her baptism and how we might not do it on the 23 and she was almost mad. She basically bore her testimony to us and told us it didn't matter because she knew the church was true. :) we told her what else we had to go over and she said well when are you coming back? I LOVE HER :)

I am grateful for my mission experience and the chance it has given me to really think through the things I know. Here are a few of them:

First, I hope you know that I LOVE missionary work. And I am eternally grateful & indebted to my Heavenly Father for this chance to love, serve, and grow. I have seen individuals change their lives as they open their heart and accept the gospel as a way to live. I have seen the spirit physically change people as they have learned about and felt witness of the restored gospel. I know that I have only been able to see this change in others because it was a mirror of what is happening to me.

Second, I want you all to know that I KNOW my redeemer lives. That He is there with open arms no matter what we have done. He has helped me not only reclaim my life but improve it. He truly is the light that shineth in darkness. I don't worry so much about "the true church" anymore. I have never understood the phrase "I know this church is true" what I do have SO much faith in (because I can't say I have a perfect knowledge), is the fact that my Savior lives and that He is at the head of this church. Everything in this church points us to Him. Including and especially the Book of Mormon. I know the words in that book are inspired and divine.

I know that I am a daughter of God who chose to follow my savior before I came to this earth. I know that He has a bigger plan for me than I could ever dream. I know that is why I want so badly to continue to follow Him while I am here. I know that God is anxious to help and support me in my righteous actions, and to help me find truth. I know that He is understanding when i have doubts (and often, there are many) and that he made me with imperfections and weaknesses for a reason.

I KNOW that living the gospel is how we overcome all of these things... Doubts, imperfections, sins, weaknesses... All of it. I know that if we have a desire to exercise even a particle of faith, it is enough. That seed of faith can foster and grow, even amid our doubts and uncertainty, until it motivates us and inspires us to become more like our Older Brother. When we pluck the weeds of sin and disobedience from our lives, we make more room for His spirit to lead and guide us in sowing more faith, repenting more, and desiring to become more like Him. I know that our covenants bind us to God... And that living the gospel and keeping these covenants insure that we will be given all He has.

I love you. And I will see you soon. :)

Xoxo
Sister Toone

This one's a dosie

This week started off with a bang. We spent the day with the Tew family on Wednesday, and then they fed us dinner. We were finishing eating and we get a text from the Poughkeepsie sisters that says.. "So, you are our new sister training leaders?!" What the... We were just over the Newburgh zone and Poughkeepsie had their own! So we call the sisters that texted us & SURPRISE! The Poughkeepsie STL got ET'd. So instead of having 2 companionships and the senior sisters, we have 5 and the senior sisters. And half of them live over an hour away. So.. That's fantastic. :)

Thursday we weekly planned... And then we had service at a members house. I know you are all going to die when I tell you what we did. I thought about not even telling you.

But..

We scooped poop.
Literally.
Manure. For her garden.

Sister Matthews tried to tell me that it wasn't just poop... That manure had other things mixed into it, like grass. I spent enough time at the farm to know better.

Friday was my last ever MLC. It was so good but so sad. A lot of the leadership in the mission is getting close to the end of their missions, so president had a YSA bishop come and talk to us about going home. :/ not my favorite thing! Between that, my blessing from bishop, and stake conference this weekend I am feeling the pressure.

President asked each of us to talk about the strengths and weaknesses of our zones. He said there is something powerful about being open and honest.. I agree. Especially about our weaknesses. It's so nice to be able to say "oh, I am not the only one" there is also something humbling about talking about your strengths. For me, it's really hard to admit to any strength. I think it takes a lot of humility to do so. After each zone had shared theirs, he asked us what gospel principles we could focus on to help us overcome our weaknesses. He shared Ether 12:27<x-apple-data-detectors:/

/0> and talked about how the closer we get to God, the less we will feel personally enabled. He asked us to keep in mind that 2015 is coming up, and we should do everything we can to be ready for it. Part of living the gospel is progress.... Being better today that you were yesterday or last year. And isn't it such a blessing to know we have the gospel and doctrine of Jesus Christ to help us & give us a pattern for change.

We were grounded Friday night<x-apple-data-detectors://1> so we tried to make good use of our time... And then we made a haunted gingerbread house :) it was pretty fun.

Saturday was stake conference! We working during the day and then met our district for pizza from Primas before conference. Apparently Primas is the best in the nation... It even ships nation wide :) stake conference was SO good. They played this video of people who had been reactivated recently. It was amazing and refreshing to see that often, their testimonies haven't faltered. And that it takes a lot of love, patience and time for change to occur, but that doesn't mean it won't ever happen.

Sunday was also stake conference. The talks were SO good. There was one about missing out on blessings because we aren't fully living the commandments. He talked about the word of wisdom and how no one talks about the things we SHOULD eat. He quoted a prophet who said "moderation in all things justifies moderation in commitment" wow! How true is that. They also talked about hastening the work of salvation within our families and how important it is to lift where you stand.

President and Sister Morgan spoke. I love listening to them, but I especially love listening to sister Morgan. She talked about families. My favorite part was when she started talking about Lucy Mack Smith and how she imagined that when Lucy got stressed or needed answers, she would go to the woods behind her house to pray. She said it should come to no surprise that when Joseph sincerely needed answers and guidance, that he would go to a grove of trees near their house to pray because he saw his mother do it so many times before. How true it is that when we look at our lives, so many of the things we know to be true stem from something our mothers taught us. How much of our testimonies can be followed by "we did not doubt, our mothers knew it"?

I think scooping poop on Thursday just set me up for failure. I'm sure at some point I said to myself "well, it doesn't get worse than this!" But SURPRISE! It does :) SUNDAY after conference, there was a YSA luncheon. We needed to plan zone meeting with the zone leaders, so they asked us to stay for lunch and then we could plan after. We walked into the gym and there was about seven tables full of men and one table with two girls on it. Naturally we, as sister missionaries, flock to the table with the girls. Oh, did I mention our 15 year old investigator is hanging out for ALL of this? Poor girl.

Okay, so we are all sitting around the table and some married lady says that we all have to get up and sit by people we don't know. Well my companion and I are NOT going to sit at a table full of cadets. Hello awkward nation. So we stay put. And one single brave cadet comes to sit at our table. Full of girls. And two sister missionaries. And one underage teenager. And the poor girls about eat the cadet to death! They ask him a million questions and he barely has time to eat. Sister Matthews, Kyla and I eat and run out of there as soon as we can. I resolved to never go to a YSA activity again.

Monday was zone meeting. I really love our zone leaders... Or I am trying to, at least. Zone meeting went well but it wasn't as planned as it should have been and the zone leaders didn't seem to care.. So sister Matthews and I taught a lot of it. After zone meeting we split with the Newburgh sisters. I was going to Newburgh to be with sister Morgan, who has only been out a few weeks. It was fun! But my awkward streak followed me, unfortunately.

We were helping a member of their ward move with a set of elders. I had served with one of the elders in south man, so we were catching up. He is a super nice kid and an awesome missionary. He and I were organizing things in the moving truck as our companions were putting things in the truck.

Side tangent; I play this game with all of my companions called right now. If I say right now, they have to tell me exactly what they are thinking right then, and vice versa. It helps keep our thoughts consecrated.

So, I explain this game to this elder. He thinks it's fun, and we play it back and forth for a few minutes. It's all just innocent, I promise. And consecrated. Until.... 15ish minutes later. We are still moving things and I am waiting with something in my arms to put away. I look at him and say "right now" and this is his response.

"Well, right in the moment, I was thinking you had cute eyes."
Ohmigosh. Not the point of the game, elder. He follows that with "yeah, not my most consecrated thought ever... Those don't happen very often"

I wanted to die. I reassured him with "welp, we can just pretend like that never happened!" I was DYING. I just slowly walked away.

The next day (I'm still on the split) we had mountain service! What is that, you ask? Well let me tell you. It is service! On a mountain! And we get to hike to it! The district is helping this museum make a new hiking trail. So we hiked up a mountain for 30 minutes and then spent two hours with pick-axes digging a trail! And lucky me got to do it right next to the elder with that bomb of a comment from the night before! The hike was actually really hard. I was so tired! And after we only had 15 minutes to shower and get ready....so I was lookin like a dog all day. :)

After we unsplit, sister Matthews and I went to go see Abi. We helped her put up this wallpaper stuff around the island in her kitchen because it was dirty and she didn't want to wash it :) typical New Yorker. We spent some time just talking. Abi is probably one of my best friends here in Middletown. She told me that if school didn't work out, I had a home there and I could stay with her until something worked out in the city for me. :) she told me there was something different about me and that I belonged in the city. I told her she was right!

I remember, at the beginning of my mission I wrote home about my "firsts" and I was so excited to be done with my first everything. My first zone conference, transfer meeting, split, etc. this last week was my last zone meeting and next week is my last zone conference. I'm running out of "lasts". It has been a tender mercy to be a sister training leader. I have been able to go on splits with younger missionaries and see how far I have come. At MLC, president gave everyone a leaf from the sacred grove. He asked each of us to look at our leaves. Each of them are unique in color. If you look closely, though, only one side has color to it. It's the side that faces the sun. How true that is with us. The Son gives us our color and character. The more we turn ourselves to Him, the more he can make of us & the closer we get to our divine potential. I feel like I finally know who I am... And I know that because I have learned how to love the doctrine of Jesus Christ. He has made me so much more than I could ever make on my own.

I love you!
-sister Toone

Helloooo

Well, it's a good thing I waited to write my email until this afternoon.... I was so grouchy this morning! School is SUCH A JOKE! WOW. Okay. I'm done stressing about it.

This week has been good.. We met with Tracy finally!! and it was practically a miracle... we taught Vinny TOO!! It was a miracle. We went in planning on reviewing what Tracy knew and remembered but we sat down and Vinny said "Wait, I have a question... what is the difference? are y'all christian?" AH! The best of questions. Well, Vinny, let me tell you what the difference is.

We still haven't heard from Danielle.. did i tell you that I offended her? Oops. I mean I've apologized twice and it wasn't even that bad in the first place. She is living with her boyfriend and she knows it's wrong.. so I, personally, think she chose to be offend.

Sunday was a big day.. so much was weighing on everyone coming to church! Kyla had to come last sunday to be baptized before I left and...she didn't :( then Helen had her interview with the bishop and it didn't exactly go as planned... so... needless to say I was SUPER bummed. I had felt so exhausted all week and not motivated, and then I felt guilty for feeling that way! It was horrible. So Sunday during companionship study, Sister Matthews suggested that I get a blessing & I agreed with her. We texted Bishop and set it up for Monday night.

Then we went to dinner at the Giani's. Can I just tell you how much I love Brother Giani? If Dad had been raised in Queens, he would be Sal. He just talks and talks and talks and always has a story for everything. I'm pretty sure sister matthews and I said 3 words at dinner and he talked the rest of the time. Our appointment was at 6. We ate dinner and went to the living room for a lesson at 7:15. Then Brother Giani asked if we still stuck to the hour appointment rule. :| Don't worry, we didn't get a chance to answer him. :)

Monday was a really good day. We met with Tracy and Vinny again. Tracy is off of coffee and almost off smoking. :) Vinny listened to us as we read the book of mormon and we were able to answer a lot of his questions about the Holy Ghost. Then we had district meeting, went to get ice cream with Alana to celebrate finishing her tests, taught Zuley & Abi and went to bishops for a blessing.

I haven't had many blessings from people over the age of 21, so maybe that was the biggest difference but I can't even describe the blessing I got from bishop. It was really similar to my patriarchal blessing, to be honest. He promised me that whatever it was I came to do on my mission is done... and he promised me that I had done more in my 18 months than most missionaries do in 2-3 years. He also talked about getting married and having kids... :\ I think that's a long ways off for this girl. But! the moral of this story is that the priesthood power is real. and I also think that God is way more anxious to bless us and show us that he loves us and is proud of us than any of us realize. So often we got caught up in this idea of a vengeful God, but He is not that at all. He is my loving Father in Heaven who is grateful for every single step and every small sacrifice I make.

Well, this weekend is November 1st. That means my days really are numbered. I can't even say I go home next month anymore. Time seriously flies... but there were also days when I never thought this day would come. I've been thinking about not emailing anymore until I go home just to make it that much more fun for all of us. ;)

I love you all! and I miss you all terribly, is that bad to say? :) Just know that i'm working hard and having fun. That's the best way to make time go by faster. I hope you all are being good and loving the gospel as much as I do.

xoxo

Sister Toone