New Year

Well, 2014 is a thing of the past. If I had to choose... 2014 would be one of my favorite years I think. I've never spent a year more selflessly. Is that proper english? I hope you know what I mean. In 2014 I've seen more miracles than in my other 20 years combined. I've seen more of everything, to be honest. More kindness, more heartbreak, poverty, wealth.. etc. Most importantly, I think, is the growth I have seen in myself in the last year.

One of my FAVORITE things I have learned and come to accept is the fact that it's OKAY to not be perfect. It's okay to question and doubt. It's okay to disagree and make mistakes. Not only is it okay, but that's how it was intended! It was never part of the plan for us to be perfect, even from the beginning. 

{Tangent} Isn't it so funny that it is easy for you to read this and say, Carlee, of course you aren't supposed to be perfect! it's okay that you aren't! But take a second and think about yourself. I think each of us have higher expectations for ourselves than we do for the rest of the world. 

I, like the rest of you, I'm sure, have high hopes of losing 10 pounds and running a race for {insert favorite charity here} this year. I would love to become the perfect daughter and maybe even the perfect wife in the coming year. But, I think an even more important goal for myself is to get rid of the idea and the expectation of perfection from myself and from everyone around me. 

What I do want to do in the coming year is become more like my Savior in all aspects of my life. He was perfect in every way so we don't have to be. Think about it. 


I am grateful to 2014 for giving me the experience I need to be able to say along with Paul that "Most gladly therefore will I...Glory in my infirmities" Because I know "[His] grace is sufficient for [me]: [His] strength is made perfect in weakness"(2 Corinthians 12:9) and to be able to see that "if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."

I'm going to try my very best to be better at blogging weekly... Writing can be pretty therapeutic for me. 

Wishing you all the best in 2015.

xoxo
Car

A New Beginning

My mom told me I'd better keep this up, so here I am. A few things have changed since the last time you heard from me though.

1. I now answer readily to "Carlee" 

2. I can wake up and go to bed whenever I want. 

3. I can listen to whatever I want, whenever I want.

Other, less worldly things have changed, too.

I no longer feel the spirit guiding every step of my day

I don't have someone next to me 24/7 to validate my feelings, give my advice, and listen to whatever word vomit comes out of my mouth.

In the last week I only bore my testimony 3 times instead of 30. I even went a day or two where I didn't have (or make) time to read my scriptures. Needless to say, life as an RM is not what it's cracked up to be. 

I am grateful for the Gospel of Jesus Christ and the knowledge it gives us that there really are no endings. President Uctdorf said it best:

"In light of what we know about our eternal destiny, is it any wonder that whenever we face the bitter endings of life, they seem unacceptable to us? There seems to be something inside of us that resists endings.

Why is this? Because we are made of the stuff of eternity. We are eternal beings, children of the Almighty God, whose name is Endless¹³ and who promises eternal blessings without number. Endings are not our destiny.

The more we learn about the gospel of Jesus Christ, the more we realize that endings here in mortality are not endings at all. They are merely interruptions—temporary pauses that one day will seem small compared to the eternal joy awaiting the faithful.

How grateful I am to my Heavenly Father that in His plan there are no true endings, only everlasting beginnings."

The mission isn't the end of my good habits, spiritual experiences, or the end of the growth of my testimony. This is a new phase of my life full of "Everlasting beginnings", and I am grateful for them. I am grateful for the chance to continue to learn and to grow! Just today I learned something in our Gospel Doctrine class. We were talking about the temple. There was a question in the manual that really stuck out to me.

"How does the water of life that is available in the temple heal and give life to marriages? Families? Our ancestors? The Church? What else flows from the temple that gives spiritual life and healing?"

The answer that came to mind is Hope. PMG says that hope is an abiding trust that the Lord will fulfill all of his promises. We learn about those promises in the temple. The more often we go to the temple, the more we remember and can see these promises in our lives. The temple gives us an eternal perspective. It lights the path and makes our temporary struggles seem insignificant. 

Thanks for listening to my rant. And for all of the support over the last 18 months, and 21 years. 

xoxo,

Carlee.