A lot of people have asked me how Provo is lately.
And I say “good!”
And then I think about how this semester of school kicked my trash and how dating is an actual joke and how I’ve applied for 10000 jobs in the past month and have had ZERO success.
Last week I even thought about moving back home.
And a lot of people think that if I’m not happy here then I should move back home or to a new place, but I just feel drawn to Provo. And I don’t know why.
Because on the surface, not a single thing is working in my favor. Call me stubborn, call me stupid. I just refuse to give up.
I’ve been here for FOUR months. FOUR. Old Carlee would be packing up and making plans to move somewhere by now.(trust me, I’ve thought about it) But I’m staying here. I read a quote the other day, and I can’t tell you who it’s by and I’m probably going to slaughter it but it said something along the lines of this:
“Our darkest places are often the places we grow the most.”
So yes. Provo has been hard. And I am feeling unsettled with my life and a lot of things in it. But I don’t think that means it’s time to jump ship and give up. I think that means that I’m LIVING and BREATHING and GROWING. And man, have I grown.
“I have absolute certain knowledge, perfect knowledge that God loves us. He is good. He is our Father and He expects us to pray and trust and be believing and not give up and not panic and not retreat and not jump ship when something doesn’t seem to be going just right. We stay in, we keep working, we keep believing, keep trusting, following that same path, and we will live to fall in His arms and feel His embrace and hear Him say, ‘I told you it’d be OK, I told you it’d be all right.’” [Holland]
In lighter news… here’s a list of things I’ve learned:
- How to take myself to the doctor. Don’t laugh. It was rough. There may or may not have been a mono scare.
- Christmas ornaments don’t come with hooks. WHYYYY. Why is this a thing? Also that means my tree has a box of ornaments under it instead of on it. Whatever. (also, let’s just acknowledge how grown up it is to have a Christmas tree. Kay thanks.)
- How to order groceries online. I never thought I’d be THAT person, but I am. And I’m not ashamed.
- How to be a real Utah County Mormon. AKA I went on a date to a ward activity with my home teacher AND made it on the ward facebook page. I guess you could say I’m prettttyyy much “in”.
- How to survive at BYU. And how to keep the Honor Code. Mostly.
- How to google ALL. THE. THINGS. Seriously. For instance, why the sweet potatoes I bought on TWO separate occasions were white and not orange.
- How to use a crock pot and cook grown up meals. Mostly I have Carol to thank for that one, but still.
- How to spend my money on grown up things. IE the crock pot that was previously mentioned and a mixer.
- How to be HONEST and AUTHENTIC and not let fear run my life. I’m still working on this one. And if you have questions or are interested, let’s talk.
Okay. That's enough for one day.
Xo,
Car
