I Don't Know About You...

But I'm feelin' 22!

I just had to, sorry.

There's nothing like a birthday to help humble you, and to help you reflect. On my birthday two years ago I left for the hardest and most rewarding experience of my life, up until that point.

I've been home from my mission for six months, and what a wild ride. It has been the hardest/happiest/loneliest/most rewarding time of my life.

Here's a recap:

Went on approximately 1,000 awful dates. Not even being dramatic.

Went on two or three really good dates.

And learned what it meant to be happy for myself.

Worked harder than I think I ever have in my life.

I finally saw a movie in the theaters. (It had only been 2 years) Pitch Perfect 2... I'd highly recommend it. Unless you're my mom. Then it's probably not for you.

I finished my first semester of college as a returned missionary... and I passed all of my classes! HOLLA.

There were SO many good things that happened in the last six months... and I know that I am a better person now than I was when I got home. I may not be the person I had anticipated being when I was still a missionary and I dreamt of being 'a real person', but isn't that how life always goes? Isn't that what faith is? Trusting that God ALWAYS knows better than us, and that if we do all that we can, He'll make us into the person we are supposed to be?

Yeah, it's really hard for me too.

Lately I get so caught up in what everyone is doing. Blame what you will... social media, #fomo, the curse of being a perfectionist... whatever it may be. I think if you let it, it can run (ruin?) your life.

I'm 22 and 90% of the people my age are graduated.

Or married.

With a child.

or two, or three.

Some own houses and dogs and drive nice cars.

and does she really look that good in a bikini?

Their lives must be perfect! What the heck happened to me? Why am I not married or graduated? Why can I barely keep a plant alive, let alone another human?

So, I've been trying to take Uchtdorf's advice.

STOP IT.

Stop comparing.

Stop shaming myself. my body. my mind. my relationships.

Because I am worthy. 

and my story, though flawed, has led me to be the person I am today. My mistakes, imperfections, flaws.. all of them make me me, and I am good enough. 

Whether I am single or married or graduated or jobless,

I am enough.

And so are you.

"I want to tell you something that I hope you will take in the right way: God is fully aware that you and I are not perfect.

Let me add: God is also fully aware that the people you think are perfect are not.

And yet we spend so much time and energy comparing ourselves to others—usually comparing our weaknesses to their strengths. This drives us to create expectations for ourselves that are impossible to meet. As a result, we never celebrate our good efforts because they seem to be less than what someone else does."

xo, 

Car

Momma's Day

Today I was reminded just how grateful I am for my Momma. And all the Momma's that have helped shape my life. I was blessed with an amazing Mom, 3 older sisters, 2 sisters-in-law, and many wonderful leaders and friends who have influenced my life for good. Obviously I needed a lot of influencing. Don't worry, I think I turned out alright.. I took a few long turns along the way, but here I am. I'm sure I gave my mother a run for her money... (who am I kidding, I know I did) But, much to her surprise, I learned a few things from her along the way.

Ten Things I've Learned from Carol:

First: and most important, I think; chocolate fixes everything. It feels cracks in broken hearts, soothes stress, and makes the good times some of the best times.

Second: The best place to take your stress out is in the kitchen. 

Third: Trust God. Everything will be alright in the end, and if it's not alright.. it's not the end.

Fourth: All you really need is your family and a testimony of the Savior. Nothing else matters.

Fifth: Sometimes, silent strength is the most powerful kind of strength. 

Sixth: I can do hard things because she showed me how. 

Seventh: Sometimes, it's just easier to tell men that they are right. Even when you know they are wrong.

Eighth: Sometimes bad things happen to good people and sometimes things fall apart. That doesn't mean we shouldn't try to learn from every experience.

Ninth: If you're feeling bad about your life, lose it serving someone else.

Tenth: Never start calling your mom by her first name. She hates it, and it's a really hard habit to break. 

I'm grateful for a mom who loves and supports even my craziest decisions. (IE going on a mission, moving to Provo, traveling the world by myself, dating numerous idiot boys.)

I'm grateful for a mom who empowers me to be a strong woman. Who inspires me to be happy for myself and to be independent and follow my dreams. She thinks I am all of those things in spite of her, but I am all of those things because of her. 

I'm grateful that this year, I got to tell my mom I love her in person AND through a computer screen. No matter how hard I try, I'm always better at expressing myself through writing. 

Happy Mother's Day to all of you, Mother or not. My bet is you've influence someone for good. 

Probably me. 

"When the real history of mankind is fully disclosed, will it feature the echoes of gunfire or the shaping sound of lullabies? The great armistices made by military men or the peacemaking of women in homes and in neighborhoods? Will what happened in cradles and kitchens prove to be more controlling than what happened in congresses?"

-Neal A. Maxwell

xoxo,

Car