My Rainbow Picture...

Here are a few disclaimers:

-This is the first time I'ma get pretty opinionated on my blog.
-It's not a popular opinion.
-There's gonna be a whole lot of honesty.

If none of those things are okay, feel free to click that little red X in the top corner of this page.


I have been trying to avoid Facebook recently because SO many people feel the need to be SO opinionated about recent events. Specifically, the legalization of same-sex marriage.

Some of these opinions are heart-felt. Some are well thought out. Some are sensitive to others who are different than they are. But, most... are not.

They are ignorant.
and bigoted.

and I cannot stand it.

These opinions come from both sides, too. People claiming ignorance in the name of religion or freedom, or both.

Here's where my bit of honesty comes in. Here's why I feel the way I do.


May 16th, 2015 my sister Abbey, married her wife, Jayci.

They started as friends in high school, and now, 8 years later, they are happily married. I don't know all of the details of her relationship, and it doesn't matter. She's married. and Happy.

And I was there to support her. And now, I am so happy that she is happy.

It definitely wasn't easy for me or, I'd say the majority of my family, to get to this point. I found out that my sister struggled with same-sex attraction shortly after I got home from serving for 18 months, talking to people about the importance of family and defending my beliefs. I had been preaching for 18 months. Standing up for what I believed, even in the toughest of situations. And here I was. Faced with THE toughest situation, because I love God more than anything.

But I also love my sister.

It was a lot of heartache and a lot of tears for all of us... and a lot of long conversations with God. But, here's what it came down to:

Everything the Savior did while he was here was about LOVE.

Every. Single. Thing. Including the single most important, love-filled action that has changed you and me for eternity.  And that gift doesn't discriminate. I am as entitled to it as you and that bum on the street and my grandparents and, yes, even Abbey.

I know that God has spoken. I know that He has ordained marriage to be between a man and a woman and that's how it was intended from the beginning. And I believe with my whole heart that this organization is not only for this life.

I also believe that people deserve to be HAPPY in this life. And that just because a path of life has made me happy, doesn't mean that it's for everyone.

This is what I've decided:

God hasn't given me the right to judge my sister for her actions.

God HAS asked me to love her unconditionally, just like He loves me.

Abbey deserves to be happy. And to be given the same rights I have, because we are equal.

God is infinitely merciful. And understanding. And He is the ONLY one that can see the end from the beginning.

I don't know how things in eternity will work out for my sister or so many people close to me who struggle with same-sex attraction. Thank Heavens I don't have to be the one to decide.

So, here's what I am asking. You are as entitled to your opinion as I am to mine.

But please. BE KIND.

These are people's brothers and sisters and sons and daughters.

They aren't ruining our country.

They are trying to be happy.

Please, let them.

xo
Car.

Honesty....

Lately I've been thinking about something a member (who I look up to a tremendous amount) told me on my mission.

We were teaching her family a lesson and I remember asking her to tell me about her  relationship with the Savior and with God. She said something that, at the time, surprised me... and has stuck with me.

She said that her relationship with deity, just like any other relationship, waxes and wanes. Sometimes it's stronger than others. And she said that she felt like that was normal and that it was okay.

Well, as a missionary, I didn't think that was okay. As a member of the church you should always have a relationship, a STRONG relationship, with your Heavenly Father. It should be your most important relationship and it should be something you nourish every single day.

That conversation was over a year ago. I've lived a little and learned a lot since that day. And, I can tell you that she was right. I know firsthand, now, what it feels like to have a strong testimony of the gospel and to still feel your relationship ebbing. Sometimes it's so strong and it's the first and last thing you think of.

For me, right now, it's not.

Not that I don't still have a testimony.

I do.

But, I also have a LOT of questions and a LOT of opinions. and a LOT of things have happened in the last six months that make me think that maybe things aren't as black and white as I thought they were when I wore a tag and thought I knew everything.

Here's what I've learned in the last little bit, though.

-It's still important to do the little things. Keep reading. Keep praying. No matter where your relationship appears to you to be, to God you are still His child and He still wants to hear from you.

-It's OKAY to not fit the norm. the culture. the expectation that is found so prevalently in the CHURCH. not in the gospel.

-Don't burn yourself out. Take time to be honest with yourself and to let yourself feel whatever it is you're feeling. And, if possible, let some of that time be spent in the temple. "fake it till you make it" can only last for so long, and usually leaves you feeling more exhausted/burnt out/under-appreciated.

-Don't keep whatever you are feeling to yourself. It was never expected for us to do this "life" thing on our own. So turn to the people you trust the most. Your family and friends, and most importantly, your Heavenly Father.

Today we sang this song in church and it hit home pretty hard for me.

"Fear not, I am with thee. Oh, be not dismayed. For I am thy God and will still give thee aid." 

It'll all be alright, in the end. If it's not alright, it's not the end.

xoxo
-Car