Be Why Who?

Last time I blogged it was June 29th.

And then I blinked.

And today is July 26th.

A lot has happened in the last month, that's for sure. Some good, a little bad.. a lot of awkward; per the usual.

I'm going to skip over most of that and reminisce with you for a minute.

When I came home from my mission I had one semester left on a scholarship at USU. I felt like I was ready for a change of venue, but I also felt like I owed it to myself and my parents and family to give Logan and USU one more, whole hearted chance. So I did.

I moved out and went to a singles ward and was way too busy for my own good. I like Logan. I made some great friends and memories there. I had been praying about switching schools, but I never felt like I got an answer. I definitely didn't get any red lights... so I applied to BYU.

Still no red lights.

I was waiting to hear back from BYU when the opportunity to buy a housing contract came up. So, I bought it. Signed my life away for a whole year in Provo.

Still no red lights.

Nothing at all, in fact.

Then I got in to BYU. Sweet relief, because if I'm being honest I didn't want to move down there and do nothing for a whole year.

I finished my semester at USU, figured out my classes for BYU, and started looking into jobs down there. I felt like working at the MTC was where I needed to be. To work at the MTC you submit your information, and then go in for a mini-lesson so they can judge your teaching abilities.

I did that, and my lesson went horribly. When I got there, I was flooded with my own memories of the MTC and if you recall, most of them are not pleasant. I wasn't happy with it at all. I felt discouraged, and fear of not having a job in Provo started to sink in. Fear about a lot of things started to creep in. I was terrified.

A few weeks ago, I got more serious about the job search. I applied at a bunch of places. A few were at the same company I work for now, just different locations. The rest were at other places in Provo and Orem.

I took a Tuesday and went to FOUR job interviews. If you want to completely exhaust yourself, I'd recommend it. Three were at my company now, one was somewhere else.

The other company I wasn't too excited about working for, but the interview went fine.

The three for my company went well, but two were 25 minutes away from Provo, and the other didn't have a position open right now. I was feeling discouraged. Again. And afraid. Again. Because I am supposed to move ONE month from today.

I knew of a position open at one more office, so I stopped in and introduced myself to the supervisor. I told them I'd apply for the position as soon as I got back to work.

And then I started the two hour drive home. Accepting the fact that I might be homeless for the next year. Good thing I bought a hammock at the beginning of the summer.

And then my phone rang.

I answered it and it was a supervisor from an office in Utah county. Not either of the four I'd been to that day.

And she offered me a job.

Just like that.

And now I have to move in two weeks. Which is two weeks sooner than I had planned. Which means I'll really be homeless in Provo.

So the real reason for this whole story is so I can tell you what I've learned. Sorry it turned into a novel, but hopefully it's worth it.

Lesson #1: God is in the details of our lives. Even the smallest details. Because He loves us. End of Story.

Lesson #2: If the light isn't red, it's green. I know that sounds so trivial and immature, but if you won't take my word for it, maybe you'll take Elder Scott's:

“What do you do when you have prepared carefully, have prayed fervently, waited a reasonable time for a response, and still do not feel an answer? You may want to express thanks when that occurs, for it is an evidence of His trust. When you are living worthily and your choice is consistent with the Savior’s teachings and you need to act, proceed with trust. … When you are living righteously and are acting with trust, God will not let you proceed too far without a warning impression if you have made the wrong decision” 

Lesson #3: Fear is NOT a fruit of the Spirit. I don't think God will use fear to persuade us to do good. Here's why I think that. But first, some history. This verse of scripture is directed at Oliver Cowdrey, who had asked in an earlier section to be able to translate like the Prophet, Joseph Smith. He had been given the gift, but because he was AFRAID, it was taken away from him. 

"11 Behold, it was expedient when you commenced; but you feared, and the time is past, and it is not expedient now;"

Lesson #4: If God needs you to be somewhere or to do something, as long as you are doing the things you are supposed to do, you'll get there.

I don't now what The Big Man has in store for me in Provo. Maybe it's a husband, or a chance to finish my degree and do something I love, and maybe it's just some more life challenges to help me become the person He intended me to be. I'm not sure. But I have a willing heart and mind and I'm excited to find out.

And you best believe I'll tell you all about it when I do.

xo,

Car