Things I've Learned About Provo, Utah.

Provo has done some weird things to me, my friends.

and by friends I mean friend, and by friend I mean Carol. I'm pretty sure she's the only one who reads this. Hey, ma!

The first surprising thing I've learned, if you can't already tell, is that Provo brings out the sass in me. The snark. The 'No Filter', The #realtalk and my personal favorite, the Smart Ass. It's almost terrifying how often I speak my mind.

I have no real explanation for this phenomena. I think a big part of it right now is that I have a lot on my mind and so worrying if what I say or who I am might offend you just isn't one of them anymore. It's good. It feels real and right and I'm sorry if I say something offensive, but I promise I have a good heart.

The second thing I've learned is that Provo really is "happy valley" People are happier. and more righteous. Like, FHE is a commandment here. and everyone keeps all of the commandments. all the time.*


*Please see #1

Number 3: People really are as ready to get married as non-Utah County people joke about. Not even kidding. A boy CALLED me on the phone today. To ask me on a blind date. He didn't even text me first. And, at church? Boys actually sit by you. and talk to you. I hope I recovered fast enough. I would hate for them to see the mix of shock/awe/horror on my face. I even gave them a real name when they asked.

I'm moving up in the world, friends.

Four: People are just as eager to marry you off as everyone talked about. Literally. My roommates boyfriend offered to manage my tinder account for me.

Thanks.

But H-no.

10000000 Times no.

Count me so far out.

I'd rather cut my own toes off.

Paper cut my mouth.

Anything.

And last? BYU has an interesting feel about it. They're better than other schools. and they know it... also, they aren't afraid to let you know it. Just incase you might have forgotten or something.


But really. Provo is great. Happy Valley is full of happy people. Including this girl.

XO,
Car

Be Why Who?

Last time I blogged it was June 29th.

And then I blinked.

And today is July 26th.

A lot has happened in the last month, that's for sure. Some good, a little bad.. a lot of awkward; per the usual.

I'm going to skip over most of that and reminisce with you for a minute.

When I came home from my mission I had one semester left on a scholarship at USU. I felt like I was ready for a change of venue, but I also felt like I owed it to myself and my parents and family to give Logan and USU one more, whole hearted chance. So I did.

I moved out and went to a singles ward and was way too busy for my own good. I like Logan. I made some great friends and memories there. I had been praying about switching schools, but I never felt like I got an answer. I definitely didn't get any red lights... so I applied to BYU.

Still no red lights.

I was waiting to hear back from BYU when the opportunity to buy a housing contract came up. So, I bought it. Signed my life away for a whole year in Provo.

Still no red lights.

Nothing at all, in fact.

Then I got in to BYU. Sweet relief, because if I'm being honest I didn't want to move down there and do nothing for a whole year.

I finished my semester at USU, figured out my classes for BYU, and started looking into jobs down there. I felt like working at the MTC was where I needed to be. To work at the MTC you submit your information, and then go in for a mini-lesson so they can judge your teaching abilities.

I did that, and my lesson went horribly. When I got there, I was flooded with my own memories of the MTC and if you recall, most of them are not pleasant. I wasn't happy with it at all. I felt discouraged, and fear of not having a job in Provo started to sink in. Fear about a lot of things started to creep in. I was terrified.

A few weeks ago, I got more serious about the job search. I applied at a bunch of places. A few were at the same company I work for now, just different locations. The rest were at other places in Provo and Orem.

I took a Tuesday and went to FOUR job interviews. If you want to completely exhaust yourself, I'd recommend it. Three were at my company now, one was somewhere else.

The other company I wasn't too excited about working for, but the interview went fine.

The three for my company went well, but two were 25 minutes away from Provo, and the other didn't have a position open right now. I was feeling discouraged. Again. And afraid. Again. Because I am supposed to move ONE month from today.

I knew of a position open at one more office, so I stopped in and introduced myself to the supervisor. I told them I'd apply for the position as soon as I got back to work.

And then I started the two hour drive home. Accepting the fact that I might be homeless for the next year. Good thing I bought a hammock at the beginning of the summer.

And then my phone rang.

I answered it and it was a supervisor from an office in Utah county. Not either of the four I'd been to that day.

And she offered me a job.

Just like that.

And now I have to move in two weeks. Which is two weeks sooner than I had planned. Which means I'll really be homeless in Provo.

So the real reason for this whole story is so I can tell you what I've learned. Sorry it turned into a novel, but hopefully it's worth it.

Lesson #1: God is in the details of our lives. Even the smallest details. Because He loves us. End of Story.

Lesson #2: If the light isn't red, it's green. I know that sounds so trivial and immature, but if you won't take my word for it, maybe you'll take Elder Scott's:

“What do you do when you have prepared carefully, have prayed fervently, waited a reasonable time for a response, and still do not feel an answer? You may want to express thanks when that occurs, for it is an evidence of His trust. When you are living worthily and your choice is consistent with the Savior’s teachings and you need to act, proceed with trust. … When you are living righteously and are acting with trust, God will not let you proceed too far without a warning impression if you have made the wrong decision” 

Lesson #3: Fear is NOT a fruit of the Spirit. I don't think God will use fear to persuade us to do good. Here's why I think that. But first, some history. This verse of scripture is directed at Oliver Cowdrey, who had asked in an earlier section to be able to translate like the Prophet, Joseph Smith. He had been given the gift, but because he was AFRAID, it was taken away from him. 

"11 Behold, it was expedient when you commenced; but you feared, and the time is past, and it is not expedient now;"

Lesson #4: If God needs you to be somewhere or to do something, as long as you are doing the things you are supposed to do, you'll get there.

I don't now what The Big Man has in store for me in Provo. Maybe it's a husband, or a chance to finish my degree and do something I love, and maybe it's just some more life challenges to help me become the person He intended me to be. I'm not sure. But I have a willing heart and mind and I'm excited to find out.

And you best believe I'll tell you all about it when I do.

xo,

Car

I Don't Know About You...

But I'm feelin' 22!

I just had to, sorry.

There's nothing like a birthday to help humble you, and to help you reflect. On my birthday two years ago I left for the hardest and most rewarding experience of my life, up until that point.

I've been home from my mission for six months, and what a wild ride. It has been the hardest/happiest/loneliest/most rewarding time of my life.

Here's a recap:

Went on approximately 1,000 awful dates. Not even being dramatic.

Went on two or three really good dates.

And learned what it meant to be happy for myself.

Worked harder than I think I ever have in my life.

I finally saw a movie in the theaters. (It had only been 2 years) Pitch Perfect 2... I'd highly recommend it. Unless you're my mom. Then it's probably not for you.

I finished my first semester of college as a returned missionary... and I passed all of my classes! HOLLA.

There were SO many good things that happened in the last six months... and I know that I am a better person now than I was when I got home. I may not be the person I had anticipated being when I was still a missionary and I dreamt of being 'a real person', but isn't that how life always goes? Isn't that what faith is? Trusting that God ALWAYS knows better than us, and that if we do all that we can, He'll make us into the person we are supposed to be?

Yeah, it's really hard for me too.

Lately I get so caught up in what everyone is doing. Blame what you will... social media, #fomo, the curse of being a perfectionist... whatever it may be. I think if you let it, it can run (ruin?) your life.

I'm 22 and 90% of the people my age are graduated.

Or married.

With a child.

or two, or three.

Some own houses and dogs and drive nice cars.

and does she really look that good in a bikini?

Their lives must be perfect! What the heck happened to me? Why am I not married or graduated? Why can I barely keep a plant alive, let alone another human?

So, I've been trying to take Uchtdorf's advice.

STOP IT.

Stop comparing.

Stop shaming myself. my body. my mind. my relationships.

Because I am worthy. 

and my story, though flawed, has led me to be the person I am today. My mistakes, imperfections, flaws.. all of them make me me, and I am good enough. 

Whether I am single or married or graduated or jobless,

I am enough.

And so are you.

"I want to tell you something that I hope you will take in the right way: God is fully aware that you and I are not perfect.

Let me add: God is also fully aware that the people you think are perfect are not.

And yet we spend so much time and energy comparing ourselves to others—usually comparing our weaknesses to their strengths. This drives us to create expectations for ourselves that are impossible to meet. As a result, we never celebrate our good efforts because they seem to be less than what someone else does."

xo, 

Car

Momma's Day

Today I was reminded just how grateful I am for my Momma. And all the Momma's that have helped shape my life. I was blessed with an amazing Mom, 3 older sisters, 2 sisters-in-law, and many wonderful leaders and friends who have influenced my life for good. Obviously I needed a lot of influencing. Don't worry, I think I turned out alright.. I took a few long turns along the way, but here I am. I'm sure I gave my mother a run for her money... (who am I kidding, I know I did) But, much to her surprise, I learned a few things from her along the way.

Ten Things I've Learned from Carol:

First: and most important, I think; chocolate fixes everything. It feels cracks in broken hearts, soothes stress, and makes the good times some of the best times.

Second: The best place to take your stress out is in the kitchen. 

Third: Trust God. Everything will be alright in the end, and if it's not alright.. it's not the end.

Fourth: All you really need is your family and a testimony of the Savior. Nothing else matters.

Fifth: Sometimes, silent strength is the most powerful kind of strength. 

Sixth: I can do hard things because she showed me how. 

Seventh: Sometimes, it's just easier to tell men that they are right. Even when you know they are wrong.

Eighth: Sometimes bad things happen to good people and sometimes things fall apart. That doesn't mean we shouldn't try to learn from every experience.

Ninth: If you're feeling bad about your life, lose it serving someone else.

Tenth: Never start calling your mom by her first name. She hates it, and it's a really hard habit to break. 

I'm grateful for a mom who loves and supports even my craziest decisions. (IE going on a mission, moving to Provo, traveling the world by myself, dating numerous idiot boys.)

I'm grateful for a mom who empowers me to be a strong woman. Who inspires me to be happy for myself and to be independent and follow my dreams. She thinks I am all of those things in spite of her, but I am all of those things because of her. 

I'm grateful that this year, I got to tell my mom I love her in person AND through a computer screen. No matter how hard I try, I'm always better at expressing myself through writing. 

Happy Mother's Day to all of you, Mother or not. My bet is you've influence someone for good. 

Probably me. 

"When the real history of mankind is fully disclosed, will it feature the echoes of gunfire or the shaping sound of lullabies? The great armistices made by military men or the peacemaking of women in homes and in neighborhoods? Will what happened in cradles and kitchens prove to be more controlling than what happened in congresses?"

-Neal A. Maxwell

xoxo,

Car